Unrealistic Expectations – we all do it to ourselves or have it bestowed upon us.
Growing up, I never really knew where I belonged. I never had that feeling of feeling content with who I was, or where I was going with my life. I would adopt these mind frames of how I thought I must be, or how I should live my life, or the direction my life should be taking. Anywhere from work, education, family, etc.
I remember growing up, I was maybe in my teens, and I had somehow formed this mindframe of what I wanted “when I was older”. I would get engaged, be married in a white dress in a church, have children, a house with a white picket fence.
Then that changed as I got a little older and I set expectations on myself that I needed an education, that I needed to work hard, that I needed to own my own home to be successful. The marriage and children idea became less and less but still niggled all because of the environment I was in. I guess my ideas and expectations on myself changed every so often and where I thought I should be going. I still thought the job, the house, the marriage, all meant to be successful.
I think since the day I decided that I wanted to move out / away, I have been embracing things that are outside the norm for growing up in a relatively Catholic society in Ireland. I realise that what I thought I should be doing and where I should be going were all expectations I put on myself to be “successful”. I was so far from the truth, and because I see something one way to fit me and my life (even though it may not be what is for you) doesn’t mean it’s wrong, it means I’m working on, and towards, what makes me happy. Don’t get me wrong, I still work hard and have a strong work ethic and I always will, because to me that is a belief that I have in myself and that I enjoy. I no longer believe that marriage and children are the goal in life to be successful. Having a relationship that makes you happy, that builds you, that creates so many wonderful things both in you but also as a partnership is so much more important that choosing a white dress, saying some vows and signing a piece of paper. I mean, if that’s what makes you happy, then do it and don’t let anyone say otherwise but the same goes for if it’s not what makes you happy then don’t do it. I continue to educate myself, to work hard, to have a relationship, and still live my life how I want to, how I enjoy it. We all get bad days, that’s inevitable, and I’m a firm believer in sometimes just letting that bad day be and trying to figure out what’s causing it but then move on. Life is too short, as cliche as that is.
If you want to be married, then get married.
If you want to have children, then have children.
If you want the house with the white picket fence then have the house with the white picket fence.
But you know what? If you don’t want any of that, then that’s ok. If your life takes a direction that makes you happy but no one else understands or frowns upon it, ask yourself the question, who’s happiness really matters here? Whose choice is it to live this way? Who’s body and mind wakes up every day to live a life that they don’t dread getting dressed for?
The answer is simple… YOURS!
The most important words that need to be remembered are, this is my happiness not yours.
Other peoples ideas and views and opinions are irrelevant (although they may be considered from time to time to save us all going off the deep end), but what matters most is how you want to live your life. Do what it is that makes you happy.
You won’t just wake up one morning and have all the answers to what it is to make your life what you want it, you won’t turn it around in just one day, but use that time to do what it is you believe in, and what you choose to make your life yours.
If anything, just remember, it is your happiness that matters. It is your happiness, not theirs.
❤
GazingBlueEyes 